All proceeds will go to the Thisblogismyblog Pay My Mortgage & Credit Card Debt Foundation. No portion of your purchase will be tax deductible.

I have a couple of my wife's Coach handbags up for auction on eBay. I think they capitalize the "B" so as not to confuse those folks searching for the Pig Latin translation of a Be operating system support site. I actually prefer sites that provide Jive translation. (Editor's Note:(As if!)Shut up and let me finish! Unfortunately you need to click the "Dialectize" button in the center of the page forThe Dialectizer to load the last two links properly.)

I think that was funnier before I started typing it. Where's my editor? He was just here. Wait a minute! Who was that? This is a blog. My Blog. There's no editor. I'm the only one here. This is what happens when you edit a blog 12 times because your links running through someone's CGI script are not working properly.

I'm ready to toss this whole post away. But now that I've edited this one (need editor to spellcheck, Ha!) 12 times already, I refuse to delete it, no matter how much of a pointless trainwreck it has turned out to be. Just because I had to be clever with the whole dialect thing.

Clever, huh? How's that working out for me? Not too fucking good, right now.

Oh, and the "g" at the end of "fucking". I put that there not to be cute. Not to be clever. Just because it fucking felt right. So did that last "g" as well. I heard both "g" 's in my head. And the whole thing with the quotes around the g. Yes, that g. I don't know whether that's cute, clever, dumb, pretentious, punctually correct, hopelessly archaic, or not even worthy of drawing attention to. And I don't fucking care!

I don't fucking care with a fucking g.

g

Fuck g. Fuck h, too, for that matter.

Bid early and often. Thanks.