thisblogismyblog

What Happens In Vegas...

larzini — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 23:42:46 -0400

...Stays in Vegas. Probably not this weekend though.

After all, this weekend Vegas plays host to the BlogWorld Expo. If there's one thing bloggers are completely incapable of, it's keeping their mouths shut. Well, their mouths aren't the problem (unless of course their podcasting or vlogging, of course), it's those fingers, because first they'll twitter, then they'll post, and the diggs will follow. So gentlemen, try to remain as such at those gentlemen's clubs, and ladies, keep count of those cosmopolitans.

I was wavering about attending this conference or not, since I'd abandoned blogging and writing for awhile, because of many of life's constant distractions and sometimes derailments, but since I've got a few ideas up my sleeve, and am working with a new magazine on their blog. So here I am in Vegas.

Hell, maybe I'll even find some content while I'm here. Actually I found some already.

Tyra Banks was on my plane. Just saying her name in my head conjures up those old Nike commercials with Lil' Penny, which is kind of interesting since I once shared an elevator with Chris Rock.

I had to stare like an idiot while whatever facial recognition that came installed with my cerebrum confirmed it was indeed Ms. Banks. So like any smooth character would, I saunter through first class on the way to my seat in row 79 which is just a seatbelt strapped onto the rudder, in case you were wondering. But yeah, I lean over and casually say, "Hi Beyonce, I love your music," and continue my stroll to my seat in untouchable class.

Nah, I didn't do that. I didn't think of that until I was hanging onto that rudder for my dear life. I had no reason to mess with her. But pretending to mistake one celebrity for another when approaching them seems like it could be a fun thing. I'm trying to think if I ever did this before, but probably not since my obliviousness would normally kick in.

Tyra looks great in person, by the way, the television does not deceive. One of my rowmates in solitary class, also noted the presence of Ms. Banks, so I consider this celebrity sighting confirmed, and blogworthy. Most of the time I'm oblivious to this sort of thing, until another member of my party tells me afterwards. Actually I was too drunk to realize that Chris Rock was on the elevator with me.

You think Tyra is here for BlogWorld?

Apple Scores a Hat Trick

larzini — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:50:56 -0400

Nothing tells people you know a Mac inside and out like wearing a hat. Maybe it prevents the knowledge from escaping through your hair follicles, trapping it so it can be re-absorbed through your scalp.

Don't believe me? Click on the image below to go view Apple's video introduction to their workshops. I counted at least 6 hats the first time. And it's clear that baseball caps are not the best choice. I only saw one of those. It's probably because of the big hole in the back above where you adjust the size. But if you must wear a baseball cap, be sure it is fitted to prevent information leakage.

Staples has no Sense of Humor

larzini — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:59:06 -0400

And to all the grammar geeks out there, it's "has" not "have", since I'm talking about the chain of office superstores, and not individual staples, and they're a helluva lot more fun than the superstores. They would've posted my review.

Staples (the office superstore) asked me in an e-mail to submit a review of a recent purchase. And what I purchased was a 10-pack of blue two-pocket portfolio folders. And I typically don't buy these without first consulting Consumer Reports, but this time it was all impulse. No wonder my credit card bills exceed the per capita income of some less favored nations. (You know I really wanted to put the extra "u" in both "favor" and "humor" tonight. Is that the Brit in me that I never knew was there? Is that even an English thing? Granted it does look better, and so does "colour". Well, maybe.)

So today I noticed that my review was no longer on their website. In the context of this blog it certainly may seem more of a lame stab at humour (ha-ha!), but was downright hysterical over at Staples (the website of the office superstore, not at the website of a collective group self-realizing staples that wrestled the URL from the corporate monolith). Alright, so it wasn't that funny, but here it is. If you can't fill the Internet with crap that has nowhere else to go, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again. Or not.

Staples product review for blue 2 pocket portfolios

By larzini from NJ on 3/7/2008
Your rating: 5 stars
Headline: Holds Papers Exactly As Described!

Pros : Easy To Open/Close, Durable Construction, 2 pockets,
Potty-trained, It's Blue, Nicely textured, Fun for the whole family
Cons : Poor gas mileage, No puree setting, Don't feed after midnight,
Slight metallic taste
Best Uses : Organizing Documents, Conversation piece, Bud vase, Holding
papers, Fanning, Placemat
Describe Yourself : Value Oriented
Primary use of this product : Business

These folders are great. First of all, they are blue. A blue so blue.
And blue is a color. And it is a color I enjoy wholeheartedly. I have
used many of these folders, and each time they lived up to my
expectations of holding my papers. Except one time when I turned a paper-filled
folder upside-down. Guess what? Yep. The papers fell out. Not just one.
All of them. DO NOT TURN UPSIDE-DOWN WHEN PAPERS ARE INSIDE. THEY WILL
FALL OUT! Sorry about yelling, but I cannot emphazise that point enough.
And I can't spell emphazies either. Did I mention there is not
spell-check feature? Well, there's not. Perhaps in the next release.
Unfortunately, Staples have not opened up the next version to users for beta
testing. By the way, the folders are blue. I opened the folder and closed
it numerous times. And it performed every time without fail. Another
nice thing is that there are 10 in a package. I really didn't need that
many, but rather than waste them, I spread whatever documents I need to
transport evenly among the 10 folders. If I have less than 10 papers I
need to transport, I grab magazine blow-in cards or junk mail and put
those in the empty folders. It kills me to have 10 folders and even
leave one empty. If you really need a folder, I would consider this one,
maybe the red model as well, but your insurance rates will go up, so let
the buyer beware.

All proper spacing removed for your inconvenience.

Did that post make this read like a splog? (That's "spam blog" for you home-gamers.)

Christmas in August on Valentine's Day

larzini — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 00:38:10 -0500

I should say St. Valentine's Day. Well, not anymore, it's now Friday, but this post somehow disappeared after writing it about 24 hours ago.

I never dreamt I'd someday look back fondly at the Crazy Eddie television commercials. Yet, here I find myself waxing nostalgically over some Northeastern pop culture detritus.

I never embed, I usually just link, but I've reconsidered my position on that. Why send the eyeballs elsewhere when they can stay right here.

I remember buying vinyl records and cassettes at Crazy Eddie, as well as a floppy disk drive for my Atari 800XL computer. These ads actually inspired the Seinfeld episode entitled, "The Junk Mail". Elaine dates a guy who was once the fictional television pitchman known as "The Wiz". Incidentally, The Wiz, later known as Nobody Beats The Wiz, was also an electronics retailer located predominantly in New York and New Jersey. But since their prices weren't completely insane they often used real-life characters in their ads, such as Joe Namath.

This was long before Namath went 0-for-2 in pass attempts on the sidelines, seeking out kisses from Suzy Kolber. (Yep, that link goes to the infamous video. I thought it would look kind of crappy to put two embedded videos in the same post. Especially when the point of this video was to highlight the Crazy Eddie ads, and not focus on the ancillary Joe Namath reference.)

Anybody home?

larzini — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:11:56 -0500

The driveway's been empty. The mail is overflowing out the mailbox. Nobody raked the leaves. The newspapers are strewn across the driveway. You'd think somebody died.

I've done more of these type of posts than I'm proud to admit. It's kind of like, "Oh yeah, I had a blog once. Wait a second...I still do! Oh, Shit! The blog! I forgot to feed the blog!" Some blogs are nearly living entities, when nurtured by a caring individual. I'm not certain I'm that type of individual. I'm kind of like an every-other-weekend parent these days. The one that 's not sure they want to visit the kids, but they feel obligated. I don't know how many of those there are out there, and I'm not sure I like using that metaphor to describe myself, especially since I'm married and very much involved with my kids' lives.

Now perhaps that's an accidental segway into the, you know, when you're a parent and a breadwinner, the blog doesn't come first. The blog is the red-headed stepchild. Now I know that re-headed stepchild needs love, too, but I'm just saying.

So, I'm back for at least the rest of this post. I took on another writing assignment, so this the WD-40 priming the typing fingers and working it's way through the brain.

Blog of Frustration

larzini — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 03:02:42 -0500

I did it again. I just erased whole post that I spent I don't know how long concocting. I'm so pissed at my own stupidity that I have to go to sleep since it's nearly 3 AM, which means I've deprived myself of sleep again for the purpose of posting on this lonely old blog. But if I re-write the post now, it will probably contain a good amount of bile in post that set out to be quite the opposite of a rant. You know what, it's not even going to be this post. It will be the next one.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

ARRGH! It's like baking a batch of cookies from scratch and then absentmindedly putting them down the garbage disposal.

I'm sure I'm not the only blogger to have done this. So perhaps I'll take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone. But comfort doesn't type the post again, now does it?

Beckham. Travolta. Cruise. Posh. Spice Girls. Planes. Movies. WTF?

larzini — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 02:36:33 -0400

Sorry for the title. It looks like some blatant sploggery, but the post is done and the clever title is nowhere to be found.

Current inertia has really reduced the amount of posting here, and writing anywhere else, and I find it a bit inexplicable, other than the drastic reduction in free time, and my refusal to abandon time with my family. that said, it's inexplicable that I'm not sleeping and actually posting, but I missed my niece's radio debut on last week, and needed to stay up late this week to hear her on the air. My first attempt at recording the stream has failed miserably, and to record a whole six hours looks like it will eat up a significant amount of hard drive space. But she sounded great, and I'm quite proud, not just that she's on the air, but that she stayed focused enough and worked hard enough to get this far. Focus is not easy for anyone anymore. Distractions seem to run the world. Shutting them off long enough to get something done is a feat that I find impressive.

Ok...so back to distractions, while listening to her show, I've been skipping around the Internets and found some individual pieces of information that add to a greater whole.

Item A

Victoria Beckham To Play Alien Bride In Scientology Film

Plus Item B

John Travolta offers to fly Spice Force One

Equals Conclusion C

Those Scientologists really loves them some Beckhams. I don't follow that close but I didn't think the Church of Hubbard had nabbed Posh and David yet, but come on. The Tom Cruise bankrolled movie that is not yet listed on IMDB.com and has been turned down by every studio is titled The Thetan. Can't we just go back to simpler, more innocent Hollywood? These developments would be significantly less creepy if this was just an outrageous lie constructed to bang Mrs. Beckham. Which this is obviously not, we're talking Cruise and Travolta here. I long to hear casting couch stories when I hear stuff like this. If I go to a hotel in the Los Angeles area will there be a copy of Dianetics in the night table?

If George Steinbrenner was this persistent maybe he would have landed David Ortiz years ago and saved himself some grief. You know, Air Force One is pretty cool plane, too, I hear, Travolta's not trying to fly that one, but with the President's approval rating lower than his college GPA plus his shoe size, I guess he's no trophy.

Blogging Professionally

larzini — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 09:23:05 -0400

Bloggers who are job hunting and use their blog as part of their portfolio shouldn't post on their personal blogs while at work. The message it says to those potential employers is, "I could really care less about your workload. My blog is more important."

Now there's really nothing wrong with the spirit behind this, because I hope your life comes before your work. Work is what you do at the moment to allow you the funding to do what you want with the rest of your time.

But think before posting. Think about the message you are sending.

That said, I'm on Day 5 of a new job, and I'm at my desk writing this. Think about the message I'm sending. Or think about something else. Just think once and awhile. But don't hurt yourself doing it.

When the Time Comes...

larzini — Sun, 13 May 2007 08:02:47 -0400

...nothing.

For the last couple weeks, I've been talking and thinking about posts, and at last when there's a free moment the tank is empty. I seem to be changing into more of a morning person than an evening person, but the evening is still when the optimum times for me to post come up. This is one of those "take up space" kindof posts, that only serves to remind me, that indeed, I'm still here.

I Think I'm Cool Sometimes

larzini — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 22:33:04 -0400

But right now I'm just being a geek. I was heading home from a night class in financial planning, and had to use some coupons I found online at the local Barnes & Noble. (DISCLAIMER: This is not a paid placement.) But I had a coupon for 20 free Wi-Fi sessions, and one for a free stratta. A stratta seems to be a fancy word for quiche which is kind of fancy in itself. It's clearly fattening, contains eggs and cheese and along with coffee, I'm sure will have some fun with my insides, but whatever. I give you links to this free stuff to share with you and your friends that are Barnes & Noble members.

Free Stratta. Oh, the coupon is not legit at bn.com, for all of you that want a fancy slab of egg & cheese sent via UPS. Is it possible that someone would really try to order this online? I hope it was the coupon designers having a little chuckle. But it's probably not. Stupidity may not be a recessive gene in all human life forms.
Free Wi-Fi. This posting brought to you via that coupon.
Free James Brown.
Free Mike Tyson.
Free to do what I want any ol' time.

Like right now. Where I do this posty-posty thing with my laptop possessing questionable battery powerand the screen looking not as bright as it could be. Will I be smart enough to save this post along the way? Probably not. Just did. There will be a few less expletives heard by the gaggle of high school girls nearby. That is, if a gaggle is three, and I have any inkling as to determining ages.

If Limbo dies, where does it go?

larzini — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 11:59:23 -0400

This is good news for unbaptised babies, and those born before Jesus. The article says that the change in church canon may be because of difficulty in converting people in Asia and Africa to Catholicism.

Why are there so many pictures of this Pope where he looks so sinister? Here's one that's a little better. Is that Anthony Hopkins as the Pope in this picture? I didn't know they had the made-for-TV movie yet.

Nothing Says I Love You Like...

larzini — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 14:59:11 -0400

...A SalmonGram.

A Salmon is Forever,

if forever for her is over for you.

popemobile vs. Batmobile

larzini — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 11:34:03 -0400

Popemobile is not a proper noun. Therefore, unless popemobile begins a sentence, such as the previous sentence, it is not necessary to capitalize popemobile. Although popemobile must be capitalized, when referring to the Australian indie rock band, Popemobile.

I probably should have capitalized popemobile in this article title, but I chose not to. Yes, I used a bit of license. I wonder if one needs a specialized license to drive a popemobile. Perhaps some sort of CDL test must be passed.

Unlike popemobile, Batmobile must always be capitalized. Perhaps this is because there is only one Batman, while there have been many popes. In the US, president is capitalized when used as a title, e.g. President Clinton. Otherwise president would not be capitalized, the same logic seems to follow with pope. No matter what actor played Batman, or who drew the comic, it was still the same Batman. One Batman, one Batmobile. No other "Batmen" (I give up, should that be capitalized during speculative use), drive a Batmobile. There are not multiple Batmobiles available in different countries for Batman's use. (Though given Bruce Wayne's wealth, you would think he'd probably have a fleet of Batmobiles, but he was too busy to get caught up int he bling factor.)

Although, I'm sure Batmobile is a trademarked term in the DC Comics canon. And if DC says capital letter, then it gets a capital letter.

Now then shouldn't Green Lantern then be lower case at times. It is a title given to many different guardians of various sectors of the universe, and there have been at least 4 or 5 different Green Lanterns on Earth alone. (Amazing that Green Lanterns come in at of service, but Bruce Wayne is seemingly eternal.)

If a layman in the DC Comics universe said, "For my money Hal Jordan was the best green lantern I've seen in my lifetime," then lowercase may appropriate, would it not?

This has gone from me just wanting to note the difference between "P" and "p", to something so much bigger and so much more convoluted, that right now I wish I never started this stupid blog. I will never see this last hour again. Granted there was a distractdion wher I read about the Swiss Guard, the Sack of Rome, Pope John Paull II, Jan Hus, and ten othe things on Wikipedia, but alas, I've got nothing left in me for linking. You're on your own, you've got the tools. You've got the Google and the Wikipedia. You can cut and paste a few things in the search fields. There's no guarantee my links would be any better than those you'll find.

...

Yesterday's Top Traffic Referrer

larzini — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 10:14:18 -0400

www.disney.com

I'm scratching my head right now. I don't see any links from the Disney home page to thisblogismyblog.

No Clue.

larzini — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 23:18:40 -0400

Apparently, I have no fucking idea how to set an alarm clock. The controls seem as alien to me as the controls on a VCR did to the previous generation. I've set them before but it's been some time. For years I worked an evening job without need for such interruptions. And then came children. Nature's own living breathing alarm clocks. Right now it seems as if I'd have a better chance of setting them than I would this alarm clock. I've managed to make different abbreviations flash on the display panel, found myself the focal point of some soothing sounds, and moved some numbers around with no clear indication of whether this device will wake me up tomorrow morning or simply wreak havoc on the magnetic forces of our planet. Yes, like Lost. Exactly.

I know when I need to wake up, if my body decides not to get up at that time, then it truly must no deem it necessary. Good night.

Cold Hard Truth

larzini — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 22:50:05 -0400

Today I discovered that I share a birthday with George W. Bush.

I'm still not sure how to take it. Thank goodness for Suzanne Somers and Sylvester Stallone.

I'm still reeling.

Dub Dub Dub. It works. No kidding.

larzini — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 16:42:17 -0400

You can now set your browsers to http://thisblogismyblog.com or http://www.thisblogismyblog.com. My lazy ass decided it was time to figure this out. But it couldn't, because all it's good for is shitting and preventing my jeans from falling down. The belt helps with the latter, but I'll give my ass some credit.

So as my ass sstruggled (that's the way asses sspell it) to solve this problem, my brain eventually told it to sit the fuck down, and took over. And now it's fixed. There is a chance that I may have a better post in the near future, but hang on to this one as long as you can, just in case.

A Message from your Friendly Neighborhood Tax Preparer

larzini — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 12:19:47 -0500

Another couple weeks and the blog postings will pick up again.

But here's a tip to share with my friends with children out there.

I-Bonds.

You can buy them from the bank or from TreasuryDirect. You pay face value for the bond and as of this posting they are earning 6.73%. They can be cashed in 5 years if necessary without penalty. With penalties they can be cashed as soon as 1 year.

But the clincher is this. The interest earned on these would be tax-free if used for your child's education, but ONLY if the owner of the bond is 24 or older at the time of purchase. in other words, DO NOT BUY THEM IN YOUR CHILD'S NAME.

Since it is tax season and I've got plenty of work going on here, I will leave it at that. Food for thought for parents out there. But before purchasing, please research for yourself and decide whether investing in I-Bonds makes sense to you.

It does for me, so I bought some yesterday.

Rolf Mashes

larzini — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 09:59:50 -0500

I'm not really sure where I was going with this posting. But here it is, in its primordial state, I think all postings start out this way until they become so dense that they collapse upon themselves and form something else entirely. Something else which is exactly nothing like a universe.

I know Rolf harris mashup shitmat ROFLMAO wiggles son

Rolf Harris
Shitmat
Put them together to form...

Pissed Am I, Young One.

larzini — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:16:40 -0500

Is it just me or is Yoda flipping us the bird in this picture that was on the front page of ebay this morning? Dora the Explorer looks completely unfazed by the obscene finger gesture.

Post begat post

larzini — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:26:36 -0500

Did anyone else click on the "priceless" link in the previous post? You know, besides me since I put it there. Life must be pretty good if you don't find yourself in any of the pictures. Very intriguing and sometimes frightening look into the world of Google Image Search.

Lunchtime Blues

larzini — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 15:17:33 -0500

Brown corduroy pants: $ 24.99.
Chicken salad sandwich: $ 5.95.
Chicked salad on new brown corduroy pants: $ #@&%!

Not using "priceless" in above example: PRICEL...(Oh shit! I almost slipped up, my bad.)

About a year

larzini — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 23:11:02 -0500

Yeah...It was somewhere around this time last year, that this blog started. I find myself at a seminar in Atlantic City again, but this time I'm not watching the hitting prowess of David Ortiz against New York Yankee pitching. The seminar was a bit later this year, so baseball's over, and the only sports I've seen down here are the Sixers, which I could do without.

A lot has changed in a year. I've lost a father and gained a son. I've gotten a crash course in estate taxation, tenant/landlord relationships, probate, and all other kinds of financial shenanigans. I've mostly resisted my urge to buck all responsibility, but these things have a way of following you around so that won't do me any good.

But it's my last night in AC. I'm only $ 50 in the hole. I've got a full stomach, and I'm staying at the Tropicana which I highly recommend. You won't go hungry or dry at this place. But I tire of posting, there are other matters at hand. Like calling for a wake-up call, packing, and arranging for room service breakfast.

I found this picture...

larzini — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 01:24:53 -0400

...and I like it. (I was searching for the cover to Fell #1 at the time.

tbimb post no. 4080

larzini — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 04:31:42 -0400

backpain. physical therapy. diaper changes. schedule changes. repairs. price quotes. recycling. cans to the curb. contractors. IRA contributions. empty water bottles. wistfulness. icepacks. ratchet sets. ftp sites. gas pump comparison. lack of sleep. anti-inflammatories. liquid glucosamine searches. deposit slips. balance transfers. space-saving techniques. short attention span. buyers remorse. prescription drugs. there's a dam in my stream of consciousness. it now flows like a 70 year old with prostate troubles. where's my lycopene?

Important Job

larzini — Sat, 13 Nov 2004 03:02:27 -0500

We had just returned from the local toy store from our old town. Yes, there are still a few left. There were actually two in that area.

My son issued a mandate and was quite adamant that it was top priority.

"Daddy! This is an important job. You need to send this out on the computer to everybody in our town.

My son is 3 1/2, actually just about 4 years old, and in his world trucks, dirt, and trains rule. Especially Thomas the Tank Engine trains.

And we had just purchased "Henry's tunnel", which has been discontinued for years. So you can understand my son's excitement.

Now I'm not one of those that buys toys for my kids to just look at. You know, keep it in the box so it doesn't lose its value while it sits on a shelf in a kid's room collecting dust. So yes, all Hess trucks are fair game. Boxes are open and even discarded. If they brake...well, they brake. The child only cries because they broke a favorite toy, not because Mommy and Daddy can't believe they broke that toy that in 20 years would have bought 1/4 of a college textbook for said child.

So "Henry's Tunnel" was apparently from the 1996 Thomas the Tank Engine collection. Which, to my son my as well be, the Bronze Age. My "important job" as he put it was to share with everyone a picture of the Thomas the Tank Engine lineup for 1996.

So here it is.

My son also told me how he's no longer going to include Q when singing the alphabet. He wasn't clear about the reason why. Perhaps it has something to do with that whole "U always follows Q" rule, which I'm sure back in the day was as hotly contested as the designated hitter rule in baseball. And since spelling to him, is not nearly as important as digging, I'll spare him the exception of proper nouns like Qatar until he's older.

In fact, given recent events, I'd like to avoid any mention of the Middle East to my son for quite some time.

I should mention that he also likes to jump from 11 right to 14 when counting. I remind him of the existence of 12 and 13, but he tells me he knows that, but just doesn't want to say those.

You'll know if my son has become an architect someday, when you report to your office on the 17th floor, and realize you're only 15 stories up.

Save the Breast for Last

larzini — Thu, 11 Nov 2004 12:53:57 -0500

Actually, I'll lead with it.

Drop in for Tara Reid's exposed breast. Stick around for political discourse.

That's Hategun. Not to be confused with Lovegun. No...wait...I actually meant the Kiss album. I swear. This blog needs to cut down on the NSFW.

Although, at least Ashcroft won't be bothering me anymore. But before we go celebrating uncovering those revealing, sinful statues in D.C., let's be sure it's not a case of the "The Devil You Know...".

I figured you know the rest of that one, I don't exctly remember. But I do know it's appropriate, and doesn't break any decency laws.

Who will it be? Alberto Gonzales? Officer Barbrady? Mr. Garrison? Chef? Jimbo? the 1989 Denver Broncos?

You know...Barbrady would probably slip into the Bush cabinet as Attorney General just as easy as Tara Reid's breast slipped out of that dress. (see above) Jimbo could take over as Secretary of Defense. And I'm sure Bush could find a position for Garrison, who would support the president's stance against gay marriage.

Bouncy

larzini — Wed, 27 Oct 2004 13:46:13 -0400

My son's 4th birthday party is approaching. In this day and age of parental overindulgence, this is nothing short of organizing a small wedding.

The invitations: Do we make them? Do we fill out pre-printed? Do we order them custom?

The cake: Is it Thomas the Tank Engine? Is it Bob the Builder? Is it Spider-Man? Yellow cake with chocolate icing? Chocolate cake with yellow icing?

The food: (because it's mostly family and mostly adults, we can't just throw a bunch of chicken fingers in the oven and be done with it) Do we cook? Do we cater? Do we cook some and cater a few trays?

Then there's the themed plates and napkins and cups. The party favors and goodie bags. You can't give the older kids the same stuff that's in the little kids goodie bags? And the babies that come, well they get goodies too, age-appropriate never gonna remember if they got anything or not goodies.

And activities...hence the title.

Bouncy...Bouncy thing...jumper...big inflatable thing for kids to jump on while parents cross their fingers that there are no skull cracking collisions.

Actually I didn't think about that part until now. I love bouncy things the last time we were at a kid's party, it was my son's first time seeing one of these contraptions, so dear old Dad spent a good portion of the time in there, too. And, yes it is fun.

Now finding a rental place in our proximity with the day availabile, and the type of bouncy we are looking for (a train theme) at a reasonable price with a reasonable cancellation policy, has been a bit trying. My wife has been starting to stress a bit, so I jump in and turn to Google for help.

Search terms: bouncy (not sure what to call the thing, I figuree "bouncy" is a good place to start), middlesex county (that's our county), jersey (we live in New Jersey, the "new" would probably be too broad.)

The results weren't nearly as focused as I would have expected. I found one bouncy company that looks like it will be out of our price range, but plenty of bouncy companies in the U.K. Damn those bloody wankers.

After that, there were a few items on the list that I found odd and/or disturbing to appear on this page of search results:

Let's start with #4: Furries Meetup

Yes, furries. You know, the kids who worked at amusement parks wearing those animal outfits that never wanted to give them back, the acrobatic and/or annoying mascots at college sporting events. A sampling of the furries on this page included: a Purple Tiger, a Rabwolf, a Shaggy Reversed Zebra, an Arctic Fox, and a Snow Leopard.

But, who am I to judge? Furries are moving from the edge to the mainstream. There's the now infamous E.R. episode. The excellent DJ Format video for "We Know Something..." directed by Ruben Fleischer. The costumed mascot needed liberation from the college campus and onto main street. It makes me wonder how tough things were starting out for the Phillie Fanatic. He's like the Jackie Robinson of the subculture. Maybe someday we'll have a world where all prejudices will be washed away and we'll see Goths (NSFW) and Furries walking hand-in-hand. But those Renaissance fair outfit wearing people still kind of weird me out, and I've even played Dungeons & Dragons in my lifetime. I've rolled the 20-sided die.

Now #19 is a bit more obvious:

It links to a page from the Breast Expansion Archive. I saw the title and thought, maybe this is like a support group forum for women thinking of upping a cup size. Discussing pros/cons, before/after, prep/recovery and that sort of thing. But after looking at the choice of icons in the messageboard, I started thinking that's probably not the case.

Moving to the main page of the site (NSFW), it became clearer that the site was more for guys that prefer some enhanced cleavage. although it seemed that surgical enhancements weren't enough, and Photoshop enhancements are the enhancement du jour. (I could have used synonyms or metaphors just now. But I thought I would just repeat the word enhancement until you wanted to beat me over the head with it.)

In the Top 30 links there was also a Discordians meetup site (another blog, another day) and The UK Face Painting Association page.

Face Painters of the U.K. Unite!

I wonder if they have a union. I'd paint my face for better and cheaper medical coverage. I'd probably don the fur as well.

but I still don't have a bouncy thing.

THE LAST WORD: My favorite new word is "fursona". I suppose it would be defined as your furry persona. Are you a chinchilla? Maybe an okapi? Perhaps a lynx? Great bastardization of our language. I wonder how many years before it's in Webster's.